An Open Letter to You…….

open-letter-stamp

There comes a point in everyone’s life that you pause to reflect on who you’ve come to be and what you have become. It can be a dramatic life event or a spiritual encounter that forces you to take inventory of your life. But, we all eventually have this moment. What we do in that moment will determine the what we do and what direction our life will take. Having come to that point, I have written an Open Letter to You……….

When I was growing up, I had a dream about what I was going to be and what I was going to do. I knew without a doubt that I was going to live out that dream and be able to feel good about myself, knowing I was doing what I wanted and making lairs out of all those people who told me I wouldn’t amount to much. Growing up in the home of a great man who also happened to be a very successful Pastor, my dreams pretty much followed in his footsteps. I too was going to be a preacher, travel the preaching circuit for a while, then settle down and either plant a new church or even step into an established church and lead them the way my father did.

So, what about that dream?

If you know me personally, you can answer that yourself. If you don’t know me or have never met me, the dream has gone unfulfilled. 30 years later and the dream I had for my future has never come true. Many reasons, I am sure, can be assigned to this story of an unfulfilled dream. But, most of them have to do with the choices I have made in the moment. Things I have done, people I have tried to make happy, or life events that have caused the dream to become nothing more than just that, a dream.

So, why the Open Letter, you might be asking? Here is where it becomes real and I lay it all out on the table.

I believe I have a calling on my life to DO something that involves my relationship with Christ. I believe that I was destined to be more than what I currently am and who I have become in relation to spiritual matters. Because I truly believe these things, and knowing I am nowhere close to living out that calling, I have become the greatest hypocrite I know.

I have sat in your church, listened to your music, heard you preach your heart out, and watched your struggle with the church/life balance. I have sat in your home, talked to you on the phone, texted back and forth many times and listened as you shared your dreams with me. I have browsed your Facebook, viewed your Twitter account, I have even posted things about you that most people would never pick up on. I have looked at the pictures you post of church functions, large church meetings, and other images that depict hundreds or thousands of people gathered to worship Christ.

Every time this has happened, I have thought, “that should be me” or even worse, I have told myself, “I could have done it better”. I have become what I have always hated…….the bitter, disillusioned, isolated, and judgmental Christian I often write about. I might even go so far as to say I have railed against “THAT” church person because that person is me!

Someone once told me that the reason we become that person is because we have an unfulfilled calling on our life and because of the decisions or choices we have made, our guilt and pain fester like a untreated boil, growing and becoming more and more infected with each passing day. My spiritual life has become infected with bitterness that you cannot even fathom. I am not who I dreamed I would be, nor who I believe God wanted me to be. There have been moments where I have felt a hatred well up on the inside whenever I saw you doing what I can only dream of doing. My personal life has suffered because I have isolated myself from others out of fear and contempt for their relationship with Christ.

I am sincerely sorry for how I have treated you. I am deeply sorry for the things I have thought, and for the comments I have made. I don’t expect you to reply or even accept my apologies, much less forgive me. I only ask that you remember me in your prayers as I attempt to come to grips with the person I have become.

God bless you,

Markus

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About Markus
Self confessed MisFit trying to get through life. Christ Follower,Father,Papaw,Musician. A realist who is enjoying becoming lost in the right direction

6 Responses to An Open Letter to You…….

  1. Al Farkas says:

    Brother Mark,
    I love your honesty and your desirer to do something great for God. If I could offer anything at all, I would say to continue to exemplify the fruit of the spirit (patience) and you will produce fruit…Continue to look upward – not inward – and He will give you the revelation you are seeking. Just by the fact that God has placed this desirer in you reveals that you are called. I never thought that I would be called at 58yrs old to start a church, but apparently that’s how long it took me to become refined and molded to be in His service. Now looking back I can see things in a different perspective.
    Blessings to you and yours Brother Mark.

  2. JOHN T FALVEY SR says:

    GOD AND JESUS CAN AND WILL USE PEOPLE WHO YOU NEVER THOUGHT THEY WOULD IN WAYS YOU NEVER EMAGIND THEY COULD, BE PATENT AND KNOW WHEN THEY NEED YOU YOU WILL FEEL AN UN DENIABLE CALL TO SERVICE DO NOT REGRET OF RESENT ONE WHO HAS SUFFERED UN SPEAKABLE HORRORS FOR GOD AND JESUS, RAISE YOUR CHILDREN WELL AND BE OF THE MIND YOU ARE NOT FORGOTEN. IN THIS THE REVELATION OF CHRIST MANY THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN AND THROUGH IT DROVES OF PEOPLE ARE GOING TO NEED A MAN WHO CAN SPEAK TRUTH TO THEM. THE FEW WHO FIND HEAVEN AND THE NARROW GATE ARE GOING TO NEED GUIDANCE. BE A GUIDE AND SAVE ONE OR TWO. OR MORE AND IN TURN SAVE YOU AND YOUR FAMLEY FROM SERTIAN DISTRUCTION. BE A BLESSING WARE YOU ARE WITH TRUTH. I PRAY FOR YOU IN JESUS NM

  3. Mark, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. As you know I have always had high regard for your family. I have enjoyed your blogs.

    Jesus ministry was for 3 1/2 years. Moses began his ministry at 80 years of age. All ministries are different.

    Are you or would you consider helping local churches minister on the internet? Just a thought.

    • Mark Spencer says:

      Thank you for the kind words.

      I have never thought about that, please explain how I would do that?

  4. Jon says:

    Good post, Mark. Still trying to figure out who I’m supposed to be…while learning to rest in His grace.

    • Mark Spencer says:

      Thanks for the comments Jon. The resting part is where I’m having the hard part.

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